Dear Ma’am:
I’ll apologize again. I’m sorry that my son startled you and even more so, that he walked in front of you when you were returning to your table with coffee. I know you must have thought it was intentional and that he was very disrespectful. He’s 5 and even more than other 5 year olds, he isn’t always as aware as he should be. Still, I saw it happen and left my place in line to come over to you. I made sure you were okay – that you hadn’t spilled any coffee – and apologized for the incident.
I understood and agreed with your concern that you both could have been burned since you were carrying coffee, in an open cup. I was about to go over and tell my son to come back over and apologize for his mistake when you decided to take your concerns to a new level.
This is where you lost me.
You decided to unleash some anger – telling me to ‘get control of THAT child.’ You repeated it several times, warning me it was the truth and I better get control of him. I didn’t really care that everyone in the cafe was looking at us or that you were judging me as a mom. I only cared that my son was watching the whole thing.
Up to this point, I was all on your side. I left my spot on line, took accountability as parent and was about to speak to my son and ask him to apologize for his mistake – for having not realized he was walking in front of you. But after you spewed your rant, I decided that was not going to happen. You could have said anything else and still had me on your side. You could have said, “please tell your son to be more careful; please teach your son to look where he is going, please make sure you keep a better eye on him.” But that’s not what you said.
You see, THAT child that I should get control over – he has a disability. He’s 5 – so after many appointments with specialists, and pediatric neurologists, we’re left with a lot more questions than answers. I’ve known something was different since he was 2. We’re not really sure what makes things so difficult for this little boy, but things are tough for him. He has sensory processing issues, trouble with social situations, trouble attending, and some characteristics that lead this mom to think of high-funtioning autism. It’s been a long, hard road but he has overcome so much. Not speaking until 3, difficulties with reading, writing and fine motor skills. All of it, he’s overcome and amazed us beyond words.
So, as his mom, I want you to know I DO spend my time trying to get CONTROL. But not over him. I’m spending countless hours researching and working with him to teach him to do the things that come so easily to you and I.
He’s not THAT child. He’s a child. He’s my child.
And if you’re a mother, you know you will do anything for your child. To see them happy and successful.
It’s people like you who truly worry me. You’re the people who see the behaviors, see the difficulties and the disability and insist he is just a bad kid, weird or out of control. You only saw a kid who obliviously walked in front of you. You don’t know that he’s the kindest, sweetest kid who would have apologized. His smile is infectious, his sense of humor great and he’s smart. But someone like you will never know that – because he’s THAT child to you. And that’s all he’ll ever be to people who think like you.
But, you know what? I will take your advice. I will make sure I get control. I will work every day of my life to help him get control over his disability, even if just a little bit. I’ll help him develop the skills he needs to succeed and ensure he knows how to surround himself with good people who are willing to see his value. People who see the little boy first. Not the behaviors. I’m ready for that uphill battle.
Sincerely,
A Mom Who is Trying Her Best
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Some people are just too over critical about some stuff. Tap yourself momma! You are doing a great job and just TRY to ignore others in the process.
You know, some people are just ignorant. They don’t understand that sometimes there are things going on “behind the scenes” and they need to be a little more understanding. As a mom with a child with ADD, I get it – my son has his bad moments, but it’s not his fault. It’s just the way he was made. Take a deep breath and keep doing what you’re doing 🙂
I’m sorry you had to go through that! Some people just don’t get it and some people are just rude. You are doing a great job as a mom! It is hard enough just being a mom let alone having to deal with clueless people! Keep smiling 🙂
Whenever I encounter moments like this as a parent I silently hope the karma returns to them and they realize their rudeness at some point. She sounded so incredibly shallow…I would have totally gone off on her.
That definitely was the wrong way for her to react to the situation. Hopefully she will realize this soon!
Some people cannot see pass themselves to see others. It means they have a shallow lonely life. I tell myself that every time I come in contact with someone like her. So sorry your son had to see someone like her in action.
Wow, I would’ve had a hard time not saying something rude to her! It sounds like SHE needs to work on some control issues herself. I get that she was frustrated initially, but once you’d apologized she should have settled down and moved on. It’s not like she WAS hurt or the coffee actually spilled!
I can’t imagine how I would react if I were approached like that! People can be so disrespectful. Kudos for you to reacting how you did.
I cannot tell you, how much this post made me feel the anger you could’ve felt. I have dealt with a lot of people NOT knowing how to react to children in these situations. Some people are truly ignorant. He’s a young boy! Kids are not perfect and no child needs to be called “THAT child” NO! I am so sorry, that some people are so rude. He is adorable! You are an incredible mom! ❤️❤️. I want to share this post to the world!
I can so relate to your story! I have had similar encounters with others regarding my son has had delays and other problems.
I am seriously thinking THAT WOMAN is the one who needs control, you dont say that when a parent is there that control THAT child as if he was lost or astray. She should have apologised since you did your sincere duty and went to make sure she was ok. Such people really do worry me and I hope she is not a mum herself because I feel sorry for those kids.
Kids are kids and the reason we are adults is that we should know better since we were kids too unmindful of things around us. I don’t get the point of lashing out at a kid or her parent for situations like this.
Awww at five she could have been way more understanding. Almost makes you sorry to do the right thing and express your concern to someone, geez.
People are often times so rude. And I can’t explain it off by they didn’t know. People need to be less judging of other people and children. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job and then best for your child.
This is an awesome post indeed and there is such a great lesson. Don’t judge a person by it’s cover. People for one do not know the situation with others so should not open their mouths. Thanks for sharing.
I firmly believe that one of the worst things that we do as parents is judge other parent!!! Just so wrong!
So sorry you had to deal with that! So many people just don’t get what it is like to have a kid. They are hyper critical. Thanks for this sweet post and reminder.
You are brave & wonderful. He is so lucky to have you as his mama. <3
Thanks, Dena! I appreciate you saying so 🙂