We’ve never considered our four year old son a great sleeper. He started out rocky and we were finally able to sleep-train him around 6 months old. It was the longest and most tiring 6 months of my life. After sleep training, he pretty much always slept through the night and still does. Getting him to sleep has been the tricky part. Despite that, we were still usually able to get him to go to sleep at a reasonable time and with minimal effort.
And then he turned FOUR. A Preschooler.
When I tell you how truly horrible bedtime became at this point…it was unreal. The crying. The yelling. The fears. The stalling. The staying up in defiance. Not wanting to get changed. Needing another drink. Having to go potty…again. Shall I go on?
We tried it all. From tough love, to laying with him for hours –nothing seemed to help until we stopped everything we were doing and reassessed. We forgot about the lists, what other parents said and decided to look at what HE needed. WHY was HE doing this at bedtime?
Age four changes everything. Children become more assertive. They realize they have control over things and can give mom and dad a hard time by saying ‘no.’ My tips are simply things to consider. It’s not a method, but rather a guide for you to create your own sleep model.
8 Tips to Help Your Child Become a Better Sleeper
Tip 1: Nail down a bedtime routine & let your child help to plan it.
We sat with our son and decided what bedtime should look like. We thought about it step-by-step and let him lead with the order. Giving him back that “control” made a difference in how he felt about bedtime. It also shifted the focus away from the feelings of bedtime being ‘unpleasant’ for him.
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| Great Bedtime Routine Chart from i heart organizing. We use one similar to this, laminated it and let our son check it off each one. |
Tip #2 : Be Consistent
When you develop a sleep plan and routine. Do it EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Don’t deviate. Don’t make exceptions. If it is to become a routine, the child must see that you plan on sticking to it. If someone else, like a babysitter, will be putting your child to bed, make sure they know the routine.
Tip #3: Consider BedTime
Are you sure you’re not putting your child to bed too early or too late? Not being tired enough or being overtired can both cause bedtime problems. My husband and I realized we were stuck in our own ambitions about bedtime (the earlier the better, right?) We realized that our son simply was not tired enough at his old bedtime. We looked at how many hours he was getting and realized a later bedtime would still get him the proper amount of sleep for his age – which, at four, was 11-13 hours. {Children’s Sleep Sheet – Sleep for Kids}
We highlighed this change to our son helped him to understand the difference of the hour. He felt grown-up and a little special to be staying up an hour later. Added bonus : He was TIRED by the time he went to bed, making the whole process easier on everyone.
Tip #4: Give Notice
Our stubborn little guy likes to be in control. So, setting a timer to alert him to impending bedtime is really important. It gives him the notice so that he’s not taken by surprise. We set the timer for two times – alerting him when he has 15 minutes left and then 5 minutes left. Now, our son is the one who sets the timers and it helps him to feel in control of his bedtime.
Tip #5 Make Sure Sleep Environment is Comfortable
Talk with your child about bedtime. Is there something about the room or space that is bothering him/her? Is everything comfortable? We learned a few things from our son. He wanted more light in his room and he was afraid of certain shadows. We really had no idea, because he had just been giving us a hard time. We explained what each shadow was and agreed to leave the hall light on. Those two small things made a big difference. Consider your child’s room, space or bed. Make sure everything is comfortable and that your child feels good about falling asleep.
Tip #6 Reward Great Sleep
Use a chart to track progress and decide how you’ll reward your child. Whatever you do, just celebrate your child’s sleep successes.
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| Sleep Chart from The Victoria Chart Company. |
Tip #7 Keep it DIM
Start to calm things down in the evening. Keep screens off an hour before bed – television, electronics, phones. We also started to lower the lights – helping to regulate our son’s internal sleep clock. Consider things that are relaxing before bed – and this might differ from child to child. For example, my daughters are very tired after bath-time, whereas my son, doesn’t seem to get relaxed enough from a bath. We moved bathtime to an earlier spot in his nightly routine.
Tip #8 Go with Your Gut
I got caught up in sleep guides and adhering to what I thought I SHOULD be doing versus what my son needed. When I decided to go with a method that worked for us, my son started falling asleep much easier.
Our Final Bedtime Step: For my son, he has to go into bed at a set time. He is then allowed to read by a dim light in his room until he grows tired. He must stay in bed and cannot get up.
At first, I was really apprehensive about this because I thought he’d never go to sleep. And the first few nights, he did stay up wayyy later than I was comfortable with. But then, something remarkable happened – perhaps because we gave him the control – he started telling us he was tired earlier and earlier. At first he was reading for an additional 30-45 minutes. Then it slowly became 15-20 minutes. Now, we’re down to 10 minutes. He looks at books, then tells us he’s tired. We go in, lights off and he goes to sleep. Quickly.
Letting my guard down and giving my son that control over when he fell asleep really has made him a better sleeper. And I’m not minding having my evenings back … Goodluck!
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